I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Where are you guys?
Drunk
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
