He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
