Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
