college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
