you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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