Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
