I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize