great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
