I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
