i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
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