If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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