so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
