She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
