Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
