my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
