I feel like abortions should bother me more
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
