I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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