My friends, they love my intelligence
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
