You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
