I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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