just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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