She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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