I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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