Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
