Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
