Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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