dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
