it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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