i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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