Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
