JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
