Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
And my parents said I crawled through the house
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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