Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
