did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
