I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
