It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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