Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
