Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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