I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
