If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize