dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
