We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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