also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
