I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
