i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
