Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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