me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
