I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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