I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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