I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
