I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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