So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
