His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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