I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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