You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
