no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I just made out with a guy for $7.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
