I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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