Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
