Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Randomize
