i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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