My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
