i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
