So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize