if i can run in heels then i can drive
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
