Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
