My room smells like vodka and shame
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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