cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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