yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
