White coat. Heels.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
