Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i drank out of a bidet.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
