we're blogging at a bar
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
