THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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