i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize